It has been six months today, that I got the call. It seems like it was yesterday. In the beginning every monday hurt a little more around 840pm. Now the 23rd of each month takes on a whole new life. I didn't think I could get through one day, one month and now 6 months. Sometimes I still feel like I am in a dream, a fog in someone else's life, then the alarm goes off the sun comes up and reality sets in. Every morning I would open my eyes and it felt like a knife stabbing my heart and ripping it into two. My heart would break and I would be in shock all over again.( If you ever have seen the movie Groundhogs day that is what it was like) Today I wake up and the knife still pierces my heart. It seems more gentle now. I know it will never go away. You just learn to live your life around the piercing. I know it is real and I get it but there are days that I think she is out with friends or at the mall and she will be coming home later in the day and I think she will come walking around the corner to tell me about her day. It is so hard I feel her spirit with me all the time I know she is with us all. From the moment we got the news I knew that Jesus came down to get her and as soon as she was comfortable and realized where she was. She got very busy. I miss her here physically on earth. I know she is here in spirit. I can feel her and celebrate the time we did have with her.
Another memory I have is that when the girls get ready to go to school in the morning they come through my room. If I am not working I usually stay in bed till the last possible minute and N, R or E would walk through my room. Hi Mom, I need lunch money, can I stay after school and the classic does this look OK? I would sometimes say that; Is that what you are wearing today to school. Dressed up or dressed down the Weed children always look great. My three beautiful girls. I so remember the last day we went to church Nicole was so happy in her purple tank top she straightened her hair and was on top of the world. It does not seem real, but then reality sets in. The pain does not go away you just learn to live with it. WE have got through 6 months I can't even think about 1 year , 6 years 60 years you will always be my 15 year old beautiful baby girl gone to soon. I love you baby girl.
I am thankful for the time we had and all the memories. I am thankful for R and E and my husband Rick. Each day brings up closer.
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