I am not going to go back and reblog about everything that happened in the last 6 months. I am starting this blog from today and how we are getting though the loss of our daughter. It helps to write and talk about the accident and how we are doing. Each day brings new beginnings, new happenings and also sad feelings of missing the child you lost. I do not like the phrase the new NORMAL, but that is what is. How to get through this journey without her and to keep her spirit alive.
This is our family, I can not believe that in another week it will be 6 months of a nightmare, that I keep trying to wake up from. I know that she is not here and I understand it all but as a mom, I just think she is going to come around the corner. The last six months has been a blurr and I sometimes seem like it was yesterday we lost her other days it seems like a lifetime ago. The people came to help our friends and family, My brother from Idaho was here which seemed like it took him only hours and my sister in law. They were our rocks. We had to come home to tell her sisters. One day E told me she didn't believe us when we told her she thought we were kidding. We are living something that no parent should even live through this is not supposed to happen. She had her whole life a head of her. Pastor was so good and helpful. I do not know where we would be right now without our faith. God didn't do this and I know he is here to pick us up and help us. Not a day goes by that I do not think of my baby girl. Our two girls R and E are amazing I took them to art therapy and family therapy which really helped them. I talk to them about how she is not in the ground that her soul is in Heaven and with us always. We stayed close with the children including them in the decisions that needed to be made. They were with us through everything. I love them so much. Each day our life is a roller coaster. We have our good days and our bad. Mondays now take on a whole new meaning, that is the day N died.
My husband and I have been blessed with three wonderful daughters. N only had 15 years with us and she touched so many lives in her short time on this earth. She always had a smile. So many children from school told me how special she was and that she would talk to her and made them feel special when no one else would. Oh how I miss her smile and her being just a ha[[y kid. R and E have grown up so much, if it was not for them I think I would stay in my bed in a ball. I cry a lot, because I miss my baby so much. I know that she is in a place of no pain, no suffering, no hurt or hearth break she only know LOVE. She is surrounded by all the ones that have gone before her.
I feel her wrapped around me from the time in the hospital to everyday she is wrapped around me like a shawl and I can feel her hugging me. N comes in our dreams and I know she shows us signs all the time. I know she is busy in Heaven helping others see the way and to help them. Nicole wanted to be an eye doctor for children so she could help them see. I know she is helping the children that have gone to soon. Showing them the way around Heaven. I see her with bright light all around her. She is our angel taken to soon.
The holidays have come and gone. As a nurse we never had big traditions because I work on holidays each year brought something new. When R asked me about a Christmas card I said I wasn't doing one she asked Why we always do one. So we went out in front of Nicole's Tractor Wheel and took a great picture the girls put a christmas card together Faith, Hope and Peace was on the card. It was about the blessing we have. It had been a very tough road to travel and every day we travel the same road. News Years came and January is almost over. the time just flys by so fast.
I have always said to our children we love them every day and we always pointed our the sun sets and sun rises and took all that God has given us and truly was thankful. Today I am blogging to help myself and hopefully maybe help another person going through the same thing. I do not wish it on anyone. Each day is a gift, it can all be taken in a split second. Do not take anything for granted and thank the Lord for all we have each day. He is an amazing God.
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